dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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