Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
