life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
