so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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