I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
