either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
