I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
