I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
