I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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