There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
