girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
