Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
