Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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