Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize