How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
