so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
