I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
