I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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