How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love you. Go after that dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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