Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
