I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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