dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
