You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize