i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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