The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
