didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
