i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
