Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize