found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
