Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
