i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
