i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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