bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
