the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
