Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
