I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Damn victory sex feels great
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
