She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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