Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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