Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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