dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
