I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
