Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
