So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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