i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
