We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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