Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
