the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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