i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
