It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
