oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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