I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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