saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
These tits shall not be calmed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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