You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
