It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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