shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
