Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
