dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
