I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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