ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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