the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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