I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
