see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
