Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
