You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize