She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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