a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I party with great urgency now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
