the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
