Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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