Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
