i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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